Embers of Love - a dialogue with my subconscious

Me: Absence is to love what wind is to the fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great. Her absence, her eerie silence has only inflamed the embers of love that burn for her in my heart.

Subconscious: Hold your horses there lover boy. Embers of love? What are you talking about. I once again am going to reiterate what I have already said earlier. You my dear boy are not even an afterthought of her's. She doesn't care about you or the way you feel because if she did you'd know. I know you'd know. We'd know. So for the love of God accept reality for what it is, read the writing on the wall, don't make me spell it out. 

Chin up soldier, stiffen up that upper lip and prepare for the battles that lie ahead.

Me: hmmm, well I guess maybe you're right after all. Maybe she really doesn't care and I am the fool deluding myself into believing that she does. But her eyes, they can't lie, now can they? That day when she came over, I saw something in them. I saw her trying to hide a smile at dinner, I saw her looking at my shoes, I saw her trying to look away only to look back at me, perhaps out of pity perhaps out of love.

Subconscious: Eyes, they lie. Trust no one. Not even yourself. Not even your own eyes.

Me: I guess we'll find out soon enough. In the meantime I shall continue living in the garden of my memories with her, our memories. Funny how time changes so fast. Not so long ago when I told her about the diary she would often very firmly demand seeing my writings of her, and I most of the time would refuse saying how I was saving it for when the day where we become us comes by. I was such a fool then. Now as I write these letters, these dialogues, these essays, and these poems and share them with her, all I get is an eerie silence. Tragic, how time moves so fast. 

The one thing I've learnt after having been through hell is to never wait for tomorrows. Nobody knows what they hold. Least of all me. I will scream my heart out today.

I guess I am too late, I should've screamed my heart out yesterday, for God knows she loved me then. 

Subconscious: Tragic indeed. Very tragic.

Me: Tragic as it may be, she is still by far the best thing to have ever happened to me. Tragic would be seeing her walk down the aisle with another man. That is the outcome I fear the most. A part of me will die that day, the part that loved her the most, the part that is my heart. I don't think I will ever love anyone the way I love her. I don't think I will ever forget her. I just hope that sometimes when she feels a little lonely at night, she'll think of me and smile. I hope she'll keep me in her heart for a while.

Subconscious: I hope she'll keep me in her heart for a while.

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