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When all's said and done

There are some heartbreaks that don’t burn - they linger. They don’t scream - they hum. And they don’t kill you - but they change you in such fundamental ways, you find yourself walking around with a different gait, speaking slower, sleeping less. Months ago, I was in love with someone I genuinely believed I’d spend my life with. She didn’t just break my heart - she vanished . No explanation, no conversation. Her silence became a language I was forced to learn. One I hated speaking, but grew fluent in. And so, I started writing. This blog became my way of staying afloat. I wrote each night not out of habit but out of desperation. I wrote hoping she would read. I wrote to make the pain mean something. I wrote so I wouldn’t call her. So I wouldn’t beg. So I wouldn’t fall apart completely. What I didn’t expect was that in trying to write my way back to her, I was really writing my way back to myself . But let’s not pretend this is a triumphant ending. It’s not. I still miss her. I ...
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Good luck EB

 Some moments in life stay with you, not because of their length but because of their meaning. Meeting you that day at Columbus Circle, sharing peach iced tea and easy conversation, was one of those moments—a fleeting connection that felt both simple and profound. We only met once, yet you made an impression that has lasted far longer than the time we spent together. In those few hours, you showed me a kindness and openness that I’ll always appreciate. Life moved us in different directions—me back to Lahore, you continuing your journey in New York—but knowing that I held a small place in your heart, even for a little while, means more to me than I can put into words. As you prepare for your surgery on Tuesday, I want you to know how much I admire your strength and resilience. You dedicate yourself to healing others, and now it’s your turn to be on the receiving end of that care. I know you’ll come through this stronger than ever, surrounded by the love and support you so richly des...
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From Lahore to New York via London

My time in New York is coming to an end. This blog is a summary of what the past month or so has been like for me. Prelude: I left Lahore on the morning of the 1st of August. The past couple of months before leaving were probably the hardest of my life. Milena's indecisiveness and her eventual rejection really did drive me over the edge. I wasn't in the best of places when I left Lahore, and no it wasn't the rejection that hurt, rather it was the manner in which that rejection came about that broke me into a million pieces. As a matter of fact, I always knew somewhere in the depths of my heart that we were never going to work out. I knew it the moment I walked out of her home for the first time in December last year. I even told her that when we first met, I thought she was someone who was way out of my league and I would often remark during our conversations "dear God please make Milena choose me", to which her response would usually be along the lines of "w...
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A sunny day with Miss K.

The weather outside in New York City today was largely sunny with a few scattered clouds. I asked Dr. Khillan (the guy I'm observing) to let me off for the day today, he did whine at first but when I told him there was someone important I needed to see he reluctantly relented. I wasn't able to sleep last night, had butterflies in my stomach and spent an awful lot of time grooming my beard the best I could.  I got up at around 7 in the morning, put my best clothes on and headed to central park. On my way there I received a text from a certain miss K. saying that she'd be a little late. I didn't know a whole lot about Miss K. We'd been talking to each other over snapchat for only a day or two and well today was our first date.  I waited for Miss K. in the central park for 3 hours (lol). I did think about going back to work at Tisch but then I was like no Bertie, greatest things in life come to those who are patient. At around noon I really was starting to think that o...
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On wealth and materialism

I desperately need to find an outlet for all of the anger that is now pent up inside of me and I think this blog is probably going to go a long way in helping me calm down.  Anyways. One of the things that came up during my visit to her home was cars. Her brother has a keen interest in cars and suggested that I sell my aqua and put in about five million and buy a Mercedes. I asked him how was a Mercedes any different from my aqua. They are both, after all, cars. To this her father remarked rather sarcastically "well one feels a little something when they are driving around in a Merc that one doesn't feel when driving around in any other car". To this I said "Uncle, I don't see things the same way. To me a car is a mode of transport, it's job like any other mode of transport for example a motorcycle, walking or a donkey cart, is to get one from point A to point B. Cars are just a little quicker and slightly more comfortable". This conversation reminded me...
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A Dilemma

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I make believe, That you are here, It's the only way,  I see clear, What have I done? You seem to move on easy. And every time I try to fly I fall, Without my wings I feel so small, I guess I need you baby, And every time I see you in my dreams, I see your face it's haunting me. - Britney Spears, Every time. Ok so something major has happened ever since I wrote eureka. I know I promised that eureka was the last blog I write about me and Milena but I think recent developments warrant a detailed blog.  At around midday on the 22nd of June 2024, my mother received a call from Milena's mother asking us to come over as we had promised at our last meeting some 10 or so days ago. I was at the Akhtar Saeed Trust Hospital in EME practicing clinical examinations for my upcoming practical exam, when my mother called informing me of this new development and asked me to rush back home as soon as possible. I was at that point confused to say the least. I didn't know what to make of t...
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Islam and the Destiny of Man

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I was thirteen when I first visited Britain with my parents during the summer vacations. We stayed there for a couple of weeks and spent most of our time in London but one fine weekend my father and I went to Oxford on a train.  At Oxford our first stop was the Christ Church college which also functioned as a cathedral and a Christian seminary. There we met an Anglican Priest called Arthur Hudson Wellesley. The reverend Wellesley was the archetypal British gentleman, a man with a great deal of patience for a thirteen year old asking too many questions. Right before leaving Tripoli, I had just finished reading a book called Caesar's Messiah and had A LOT of questions about the modern Christian narrative namely the trinity, it's origins, and how starkly in contrast it was to the Jewish law of which Jesus and the early church fathers were ardent adherents. The reverend was kind of enough to spend an awful lot of time trying his best to answer my questions but I wasn't really s...
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