My Jerusalem

During the third crusade, upon the march of Richard the Lionheart's armies toward Jerusalem in the winter of 1191, Salahuddin had two choices namely, to stay on in Jerusalem and defend it with his handful of men (barely a thousand against a crusader army of some 50,000) to the last man standing or to retreat to Egypt and take the time to build up a substantial force and deal with the crusaders thereafter. To many the latter may have seemed as the obvious logical choice, however Salahuddin defied rationality on that formidable November day and chose not to abandon Jerusalem to the crusaders. 

Ibn Shaddad, Salahuddin's personal biographer in a very moving scene records the final moments at Salahuddin's court in Jerusalem as the crusader army approaches: 

Towards Jerusalem, Ibn Shaddad wrote, Saladin felt a great concern that would move mountains. That night Ibn Shaddad tried to relieve Saladin's anxiety, and the two men prayed together until dawn broke. Later that day, as Ibn Shaddad performed the Friday communal prayer at al-Aqsa mosque, he noticed Saladin praying: 'I saw him prostrating himself and repeating words with tears pouring down on to his prayer mat'. All expected the first attack on the city would take place the next day as Richard received reinforcements.

from Saladin and the Triumph of the Sunni revival by Dr. AR Azzam

Although I am perfectly cognizant of the fact that a comparison between my situation with her and Salahuddin defending Jerusalem would be akin to comparing apples to oranges in the literal sense, I nevertheless can't help seeing parallels, false as they may be, between the two; for she is my Jerusalem.

Dear God,

I love her. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I don't have much else to say except to thank you for having brought me this far.

Yesterday I had the single most consequential meeting I have ever had with anyone. I had in my mind been preparing for this moment for a very long time. I don't know how it went or what her father thinks of me. I think I probably spoke a little too much, didn't shut up when I should've, and acted like a Mr. Know-it-all. It wasn't intentional, all I wanted was to simply be me, although my nervousness did at times get the better of me.

I had a hard time not looking at her yesterday, but how could I have not looked at the most beautiful, intelligent and amazing girl on the face of this planet earth. There she was the epitome of elegance and human beauty. It felt as though for the two hours that she was here, time had stood still, spring had arrived after a long winter, blue jay's and robin's singing had filled the air.

I almost had a heart attack when my mother opened the bookshelf for unbeknownst to her, in that bookshelf were the earrings I had brought for her. Ah, the earrings. I thought about giving them to her yesterday but then decided against doing so because I wanted it to be our moment.

My biggest fear at this point is loosing her. I don't want to loose her. I have done my best and now I leave it to you to decide my fate. O changer of hearts I beg you to make her and her family choose me. I will never ask for anything else. All I want is us. I will never complain of anything else. All I want is to ski down the hills in Banff, walk along the corniche in Doha and take a stroll through Hyde Park with her. I will never bother you with anything else. All I want is my Jerusalem. All I want is my Jerusalem. All I want is my Jerusalem.

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