He made her.

Today's the 11th of June and I am done with both of my written exams. They went well and I think I probably did better this time around than in the annual. Anyways I am halfway through hell and I have somehow managed to survive so far. Am I burned and bruised badly? You bet I am. Am I broken? What's "broken"?

This past month and a half has by far been the most difficult month of my life. If anyone's been reading my blogs closely, they would have noticed how I transitioned between the five stages of grief. At first I couldn't believe that this happened to me, then for a very long time I was angry and resentful, then I started begging God to see me through what was about to come, then came the depression and now that the worst is over it doesn't seem so bad after all. Psychology, it's weird isn't it?

At risk of sounding like a broken record I once again am now going to give into the temptation of making this, like the rest of my blogs, about Milena. 

Although the two of us haven't spoken to each other for well over two months now, I still love her the same as I did when I first saw her. I will always love her the same. Always. Every time I panicked I would take out a picture of us, from when she last visited, and would tell myself she is the reason why I must survive. Every time I felt sad I took that picture out and thought of all the good times we had. Every time I felt hopeless I looked at that picture and saw in it light at the end of a tunnel.

Honestly, what I feel for her is something that I have never felt for anyone else in my entire life. Sometimes I think to myself maybe I am setting myself up for a heartbreak, but hey even if that is the case I would be able to sometime in the future look back and say to myself I gave it a shot. Giving it a shot, trying my best, leaving no stone unturned, no word unsaid and no deed undone is all I can do, the rest I leave to God.

Every day ever since we first met I have prayed to God to make her choose me and make us happen. I don't know if that is ever going to happen or not but what I do know is that she is the most beautiful, intelligent and amazing person I have ever met. She is the only person I have ever come across who fits the rather exhaustive description of the creation of woman from the book The churning of the Ocean of Time by F.W Bain. It is as follows:

IN the beginning, when God came to the creation of woman, he found that he had exhausted his materials, in the making of man, and that no solid elements were left. In this dilemma, after profound meditation, he did as follows

He took the rotundity of the moon, and the curves of creepers, and the clinging of tendrils, and the trembling of grass, and the slenderness of the reed, and the bloom of flowers, and the lightness of leaves, and the tapering of the elephant’s trunk, and the glances of deer, and the joyous gaiety of sunbeams, and the weeping of clouds, and the fickleness of the winds, and the timidity of the hare, and the vanity of the peacock, and the softness of the parrot’s bosom, and the hardness of adamant, and the cruelty of the tiger, and the hot glow of fire, and the coldness of snow, and the chattering of jays, and the cooing of the dove, and the hypocrisy of the crane, and the fidelity of the drake. Compounding all these together, he made woman.

He made her. He made Milena.

Dear God please make her choose me.


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