Walking through hell day 9 -Progress

20 days from today, I will once again be sitting the final year medicine exam. I am done bitching, complaining, whining, and crying myself to sleep every night. It is what it is. What I have ahead of me is an opportunity extraordinaire.

Today for the first time since the results were announced, I sat down and looked at them closely. As it turns out my performance wasn't all that bad, in fact I'd say it was actually quite good. I scored well over 70% across the three subjects that I passed. I have a phenomenal score in the Ob/Gyn written exam(111/135 idk how that happened) and honestly surgery went way better than I had hoped. I killed pediatrics too.

Even Medicine didn't go half as bad as I thought it did. For starters I scored 152/200 in the written exam, which when ranked against what other people from my class scored certainly puts me in the top 25% . I scored 71/90 in the OSPE which is kind of ok I guess but there's certainly room for improvement there, and then comes the elephant in the room, the viva.

I have thought at length about how my viva went and I must've replayed it a billion times in my head. I don't think it went bad enough for the examiners to have failed me entirely. The viva consists of 2 short cases and a long case, the short cases are worth 60 marks each and the long case is worth 90 marks and so together the grand total for the viva comes out at 210. 

I was awarded 94/210 in the viva. Whilst off the record I've been told that this was because someone had changed the marks I was originally awarded (I obviously have no proof of this therefore I deliberately am choosing to not think about it too much because it is one sure way of loosing my sanity) it does at times make me wonder if there was a component that perhaps the uhs or the examiners had forgotten to add whilst calculating the total and to this end I have already filed a recount application. 

Nevertheless for now it is what it is. I have failed the viva and since the UHS is yet to get back to me on my recount application, it looks like I will be sitting the supplementary exam after all. Is it painful and humiliating? yes it is. Do I want to run off into the hills? yes I do. Do I want to give up? yes I do. Will I? No I won't, not after what I've already been through. 

Giving up now, would mean accepting that the UHS was right in failing me and that sir, is something I am not willing to do. I have begrudgingly paid the fees for the supplementary exam. I will sit it, I will kill it. This is my promise to myself. We will get through this Toor, we will.

On the morning after

Once I am done with this whole supplementary exam business, I will be flying out to New York and then to Chicago to do observerships. I now plan on leaving Lahore in the first week or so of August and remaining in the US through September and October, eventually coming back home at the start of November. 

During this time I plan to relentlessly focus all my energy on one thing only, the step 2. In fact I've decided that I am not going to be joining my house job until I am done with step 2. I plan on being done with it before the 29th of December 2024 (yes Melina, I remember your birthday 🙃) and joining my house job at the start of January next year. Wish me luck.

Back to the present

I am done with endocrinology and today I plan on just revising/going over all of what I've done so far. For now though, I am about to go to the gym and exhaust myself.


🌙 it is beautiful isn't it?


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