More than she would ever know

God it's hard not to think of her. Every time I try to move on I am dragged back by her memories, our memories. I don't know what has come over me these days, perhaps it's the fear of loosing her or perhaps it is the fear of loosing myself and I honestly, at this point, don't know which would be worse.

She is the only girl I've ever loved. She is my "proverbial" first love, and I remember how she once jokingly said that "first love never works out" to which I said "well let's hope this one does". I still am hoping against hope that this one does. 

These days she is the only motivation I've got. Everyday I wake up and think of running off into the hills, giving up on medicine altogether and finding something else to do. But then the realization hits me in the face that doing so, would be the easy way out. Doing so would be giving up on my parent's dreams. Doing so would be giving up on us.

I will never give up on us. Never. I will sit that bloody supplementary exam and smash it to smithereens, I will sit the step 2 and kill it. I will get me a match. I just hope that when all is said and done, she and I can go from being me and her to us, for I love her more than I could ever express in words, more than she could ever understand and more than she would ever know.



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