Forever and Always

Dear Milena,

I love you. I have loved you from the moment I first saw you. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me and in this the most difficult of times, my happy place. I know that this is probably going to sound rather dramatic and perhaps off putting but every time I get worried about the future and think of the long term implications (imagined or otherwise) of what just happened to me, the one thing and perhaps the only thing, that keeps me going is knowing that for you to have deemed me worthy of your love, regardless of how short-lived that phase may have been, probably means that I am perhaps not that big of a failure.

I can not seem to put into words exactly what you mean to me, not for a lack of trying though. I try. I try everyday to tell you what you mean to me. I fail everyday. For the love I have for you is something that words would never and could never do justice to. You don't just mean the world to me, you are my world. Somedays I feel like I am talking to myself. Other days I imagine you reading all of what I've written and maybe keeping me in your heart for a while for you'll be in mine forever. 

Time, isn't it such a strange construct? Just a few months ago I didn't know you. We met, you had me falling head over heels for you, and then it all came to a sudden end. And now I spend my nights reliving the past, thinking about you, about us and the future.

My biggest fear right now is not the myriad of the professional what ifs that I must deal with, rather it is loosing you. I can not imagine a life without you. I know it sounds dramatic but it is what it is. Am I begging you to choose me? yes I unashamedly am. 

And what if you don't? Well atleast I now know what falling in love with you is like. It is the best feeling I've ever experienced. It feels like a cool shadow on a scorching hot summer day, a dawn after a long winter's night, a nightingale singing in the dead of night, fireflies lighting a dark sky up. It feels like all of this and much more. I shall forever remain grateful to you for making me feel this way. Forever and always.

I pray to God that you choose me.

Hoping against hope to one day be yours,

Muhammad Abdul Wahab Toor


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